Business-Buzzword Befuddlement

It’s something I confront in every English 102 class I teach online: students’ strained attempts to write in that most-annoying of languages, Academese. This is that lofty, bloated language they hear (some of) their professors using and try to emulate because they believe they are expected to communicate (?) that way. The effect is usually the stringing together of big words and phrases that just don’t make sense. A request that they stop writing that way sometimes results in a sort of wounded relief for these wordy learners. But I reinforce with them that just because they feel like they don’t have an adequate vocabulary now doesn’t mean they don’t have intelligent ideas to share both with me and with the class. “Not to worry,” I reassure them. “As you further your education, your vocabulary will improve naturally.” I silently add, and no longer will someone have to wonder what it is you’re trying to say!

Alas, many of my students are business majors or are at least involved in studies that are business related. When they establish themselves in a career and acquire a vexing vocabulary comprised of trending business buzzwords, there will still be people like me who, with furrowed brows, will wonder what exactly it is these people are attempting to communicate.

Having revived my writing and editing business, I’ve recently attended meetings with various networking groups and have made contacts with people in corporations with whom I hope to do business. Very early in the conversation I might ask one of these prospective clients, “What does your company do?” “We provide monitored, contextually-based process improvement through incremental, real-time conglomeration methodology for virtual intermediate knowledge users.” I don’t flinch. I’ll ask another merchant, “And what is it that you do?” “I’m the Online Community and Social Media Czar and Head of Search Marketing, and I oversee the Project Evangelism team,” offers the loquacious company rep. I nod my head.

Corporate jargon gets plenty of attention from humorists. While researching this topic, I learned of Jerry Serra and John Auger. They coauthored BS: Business Satire, after working together in entry-level management positions for a large corporation. If you do a search for “business buzzwords” you’ll find games like “Buzzword Bingo.” That dialogue I posted in the previous paragraph was compiled from several clicks on the “Buzzword Generator.” I couldn’t come up with it myself, and I can never remember anything relevant when people speak to me in language like that.

All joking aside, of course groups of people have a shared lingo; if you are an outsider listening in on conversations being had in academic circles, hobby groups, or professional groups, there will be terminology that you can’t understand. In rejoining the business world, my responsibility is to become reacquainted with business-speak. Unfortunately, Rosetta Stone doesn’t offer that program. I suppose my message to business people is that if you are trying to communicate with audiences other than just those who are immersed in corporate culture, you might want to surrender some of the circumlocutory jargon. Like the English 102 student, we all want to sound impressive. The best way to accomplish that is to choose words that are strong, simple, and understandable, rather than that long-winded language that causes mental chafing, a reaction for which no soothing ointment is currently available.